Monthly Archives: June 2013

The secrets that imprison you

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The secrets that imprison you

How is it possible we can feel sorry for a man that chooses to deceive those that he claims to love while his actions lead him to do the one thing that contradicts this all?

Well it is possible, and it is only when we establish the values and boundaries one must attain to be an upright character, that this can be achieved.

Life has introduced me to a variety of characters that are rich in their values, whilst some hold values that are dark and come in the guise of an angel.

The man that cheats is equally as immature as the woman who allows him to do so with full awareness. And their immaturity is apparent only in their darkest secrets.

Breaking this habit can often only come about when we challenge our values and beliefs of what is right and wrong. Failing to do so fuels one’s behaviour to continue making the same mistakes again and again until someone or thing is lost or badly hurt.

Having matured myself, I now pity the individuals that conduct this behaviour and recognise that the only way they will ever free themselves is by spiritual intervention whereby they are forced to examine what they do because they sense it is wrong.

In the meantime, the very secrets that people like this conceal and triumph over in victory of them remaining unheard, are only building a fortress of beliefs that one day they must break down in order for them to see the light.

Hollistic Success, unravel who you are.

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Hollistic Success, unravel who you are.

Maybe it’s my age or maybe I just had enough. But my recent radio exposure found me receiving many emails and phone calls from people who wanted my advice. In the midst of it all a good friend of mine said, “Don’t you think you should sort out your own life before you go helping others”?

You see this person knew oh so well that behind my big smile, I struggled to find happiness behind closed doors. However the blessing that was, through helping others, I found a way to help myself.

My most common advice is about being holistically successful. What I mean by this is some people are rich but are miserable, whilst there are some who have ill health and do not know where they next meal is coming from yet they are happy and content.

When we break it down, holistic success is broken up into various strands which are; spiritual, emotional, physical, financial and mental wellbeing. Achieving all of these is what I define as being successful.

It hasn’t been easy but now I can rest assured that when I am speaking to people advising them, I’ve lived, challenged and breathed every part of achieving these goals.

I just don’t think it makes sense taking advice off someone who is clearly unsuccessful in certain areas that may become apparent to you. For example attaining good health is not going to be achieved if you take advice of a smoker.

Since doing my program of holistic cleansing I feel as though I’ve shed a skin that was previously toughened and formed by what I allowed people to have a part in.

Life now is work in progress to achieving things that I have certainty are what make me happy and those that matter around me, my children. When I wake up, I’m ready to live not survive by the grace of Allah SWT

How can you find someone you love if you’ve never been loved?

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How can you find someone you love if you've never been loved?

It’s a shame but two days in a row I’ve listened to women cry because they don’t understand why they get treated the way they do. And quite often they genuinely don’t.

After a long period of self-reflecting and crying and healing, I’m finally able to recognise quite quickly when someone has been neglected as a child.

It is those who have never quite been looked after like little princesses or have somehow become victim of evil wondering hands in the early years that go on to be in dysfunctional relationships.

Unless we face up to our past we will not be able to confront the unhealthy affirmations that tell us we are not worthy of being loved.

I find myself telling women who cry out in distress that they must revisit the child within and change the answers that we came to about who we are at a time we are desperately trying to make sense of it all.

It is never going to be an easy part of recovery, but in order for anyone who has been abused to open the doors to a healthy relationship, one has to relearn the meaning of love.

The truth behind abuse

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The truth behind abuse

As time unravels it throws me balls of enlightenment that force me to go back before I can move forward. And although this journey of self-healing isn’t easy, the fruits it bear at the end are all worth it.
Now who knew that my innocence being stolen at the hands of a man who thought disturbing my youth was right, would leave me totally disabled when trying to form healthy relationships.
I meet so many people with scars of sexual abuse, that I now find myself being able to spot them from a mile alongside their struggles which are equally as horrific as their stories.
The healing part however is never so easy for me to explain, as most people become emotionally dependent on drugs, drinks or whatever fixes possible to fill the emotional void that screams ‘LISTEN TO ME!’ This in turn only delays the ability to heal, as its one more item to the list of recovery.
Even today I struggle to make the right choices, but I’m not yet broken. I somehow find the strength to get back up when life gets me down.
Examining my past has definitely freed me from the burdens I held for so many years, trying to get the attention and love from people I was certain could love me how I felt I should be loved. And when this belief was broken again and again and again I finally turned to myself. I became fed up of depending on other people and other things that got me nowhere with my own desire to find answers.
Healing began when I learned to believe in myself enough to work through my problems. It was like cold turkey, turning away from things that gave me temporary relief from the emotional void that demanded to be attended to. I didn’t call anyone; I didn’t turn to food, or drink or smoking.
I wrote down everything that came to mind, and slowly started to reconnect with myself, sobbing because of the pain I saw displayed from my writings. I was always so keen to help others, but finally I saw an urgency to help myself! Ultimately forming a good and healthy relationship with myself is what propels me today to make the right choices. I can only pray that people who have also been through similar experiences can begin on the right path by spending time with themselves to determine who they are!

Mommies wave the white flag.

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Mommies wave the white flag.

Quite often I’m asked by mothers how they can get back in control of raising their children. Now ten years ago I’d probably just tell them to ‘beat them’. However in today’s times it really isn’t the way.

In the past I caved in and gave my son the good old ‘bottom smack’, but all changed when I went to college.

There I learnt there are better ways to raise our children, and although beating a child gives you an immediate result, the damage goes undetected until later on in life.

It seems parents quite simply have been backed into a corner as their children are forced to grow up way to fast. And when parents try to enforce their rules in the household, they are met with statements such as, ‘I’ll call the police’, or the infamous CHILDLINE!

And it doesn’t help that our own parents breathe down our necks alongside in-laws dictating what we should and shouldn’t do with our children.

I love my blog picture because at times I feel the urge to wave the flag, and surrender to the responsibilities that pile up around me screaming their deadlines.

My best advice to my friends and foe is to not lose sight of what is important. Our children are growing up very fast, and although their demands fail to cease, there is no greater joy then to observe the hard work paying off when they come home with an A* or a card they made themselves saying ‘I love you and I care’.

When someone better comes along.

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When someone better comes along.

Immediately when you look at my blog title, you may think its about someone in a relationship, married, and then someone better comes along, and what would they do?

But no today’s blog is in fact more about the journey of the self, and what you do when you find yourself surrounded by choices that reflect the old you.

It’s been nearly two years since I left my abusive marriage, and its bloody end left me having to do some serious self-reflecting. The journey of self-reflection is never an easy one, and facing up to my past meant I had to examine and accept responsibility for decisions I’d made in life at some point in order to move forward.

Fast forward and I find myself slowly adjusting to the surroundings that I never noticed creeping into my life. I was so focus on getting through my ruts that I never stopped to notice how much I left behind.

Someone better has emerged in my life and that is me. I love myself enough now to walk away from what I used to doubt I even deserved. And my secret, what got me through it all was the Ayat from the Quran, ‘Allah does not change the state of a people till they change themselves’.

Little did I know what would be beyond the horizon, but regardless I kept moving and working through the questions and solace my soul seeked. And at the end of it all it was worth it, all the tears and all the pain.

Help me raise £2500 for Syria

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Help me raise £2500 for Syria

If you wish to donate after reading this you can do it at www.justgiving.com/Shalina-Litt

Yesterday I attended a Fund Raiser for Syria, and I never anticipated I’d walk out making a commitment to pledge £2,500. However after watching a short video I was very moved and felt I wanted to do something.

Initially I raised my hand to pledge £50 as we had been informed that £2500 would help provide 50 medical packs for the people in Syria. That meant saving up to 50 lives. At present there are stories of the people there been given cough medicine as a placebo, due to lack of medical aid.

The video I watched was disturbing and I recalled seeing up to 5 children covered in blood. The camera switched between children and the thought that crossed my mind was who you would treat first when all of them looked like they were in need of immediate medical attention. There was then a scene of a man embracing his dead daughter, only 2 years of age asking for just a couple more minutes to spend with her. And finally a boy aged 14 years old covered in blood crying, ‘please attend to my brother, he needs aid more than me’. By the end of this video everyone was in tears.

With so much bloodshed all over the world, one really doesn’t know where to start when trying to do your part in being part of a solution rather than the problem.

On reflection of what I raised my hand for, £2500 is well out of my means, and my small contribution of £50 was something I’d set aside for myself, to treat myself. But after learning about the reality of what is happening in Syria from RAHIM JUNG the presenter for Islam Channel, who gave us a first-hand account having travelled there, I have certainty that £100 isn’t enough.

So if you would like to aid me in raising this money please inbox me, or pay direct to Islamic Help the charity Fund-Raisers for this cause.