How can you find someone you love if you’ve never been loved?

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How can you find someone you love if you've never been loved?

It’s a shame but two days in a row I’ve listened to women cry because they don’t understand why they get treated the way they do. And quite often they genuinely don’t.

After a long period of self-reflecting and crying and healing, I’m finally able to recognise quite quickly when someone has been neglected as a child.

It is those who have never quite been looked after like little princesses or have somehow become victim of evil wondering hands in the early years that go on to be in dysfunctional relationships.

Unless we face up to our past we will not be able to confront the unhealthy affirmations that tell us we are not worthy of being loved.

I find myself telling women who cry out in distress that they must revisit the child within and change the answers that we came to about who we are at a time we are desperately trying to make sense of it all.

It is never going to be an easy part of recovery, but in order for anyone who has been abused to open the doors to a healthy relationship, one has to relearn the meaning of love.

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5 responses »

  1. Revisiting one’s past can do so much for the healing process, but if one doesn’t know how to channel the emotions it can be toxic too. Such a fine line, sometimes.

    Thank you for this post.

    ~ LY.

  2. I was never loved as a child. I was adopted by my grandparents. My grandmother was a psychotic, angry, and verbally abuseive person. She always told me to be grateful that I wasn’t put into an orphanage. I couldn’t love her, or anyone. I isolated myself. Now I volunteer a lot. I get myself out of the apartment. I couldn’t smile at people, say thank you, be nice, seek virtues, nothing. Now I’ve trained myself to do those things. I care and talk to those who are in the same place as I’ve been. I volunteer a lot and am loving and caring for those who have the same problem. You’d be surprised at the love you get when you’re kind to others. A simple smile and service works wonders. You’d be surprised that smiling alone even when you don’t want to will make others feel good and yourself as well. The adage “When you give love you receive love’ is true. As for romance my only advice is to pray just pray and eventually you’ll feel the love no human can ever give you.

    • Dear Leslie,

      OMG…I only today learned your name… otherwise I would not have found you… I have thought of you over the years and especially since the passing of NLF who we share the unfortunate distinction of having been abused … yours through no fault or choice of your own, mine out of stupidity, youthful abandon and lack of self worth. Before I write further, let me know if this reaches you and whether you would welcome more news from me.

      Fondly,

      Jill Diamond

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