Monthly Archives: October 2013

Emotional Blackmail and Pakistani Drama’s


Emotional Blackmail and Pakistani Drama's

I sit there and I just don’t get it. Apparently I’m meant to get it cause I am a Pakistani, but no matter how hard I try, nothing about them reels me in. And just so you don’t waste your time, I’m talking about PAKISTANI DRAMA’S.

There I’ve said it, yes today’s blog is about Pakistani drama’s so if it ain’t your thing, then you have permission to leave and find your type of blog to chew on. But for those that are intrigued, I’m about to lift the lid on something that has had me ‘done over’ for years.

They are very slow, and the plots in them are amazingly… (I’m stuck for words) out of this world. And then there is the acting, which can only be described as a bunch of monologue’s one after the other, that give us insight into the plots, emotions and dark worlds of each of the characters.

Now you may come across one of these scenes in your very own front room, where all of a sudden a whole film crew appears out of no where, with well written scripts.

If you are still with me then you know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve met them and often ask yourself if you had a piece of your childhood stolen? As for some reason you either feel the urge to burst out laughing at their performance or check into the ‘Betty Ford Clinic’ while everyone else convinces you of crimes that appear out of no where.

After much contemplation, deliberation and estimation (third word makes no sense just rhymed lol), I came to the conclusion that this phenomenon always happens to one particular family member due to a clash of attitudes and beliefs.

Being thirty something and having parents that came into this country around the 1950’s means that your identities are now an accumulation of British, Non-Religious/Religious/ethnic attitudes and beliefs.

And while your parents and a very large group of family members, and there are loads of them due to the average number of children to one women being five, float in a world of culture and drama kept afloat by the help of these dramas! Your own culture manifests into something or someone they no longer relate to or can identify with.

I wrote this blog due to a number of emails I received from Pakistani young female’s distraught by their families inabilities to acknowledge or understand their wants and desires. It took me while but here is my conclusion.

Unfortunately due to lack of compassion on the families part, the black sheep is often suffocated with the expectations and limitations imposed on them by a group of people who they are told should value and respect them for who they are. However when this doesn’t happen, the self is forced to retreat to a place of contemplation to figure out if it is their families in need of help or themselves.

Rest assured, the only one guilty is the one that fails to educate the other about what is best because them love them and not themselves.


After the debate


After the debate

In need of a cuppa and some biscuits I paused to reflect on my journey so far.

The debate it self was a success, providing a platform of heartfelt views about the marmite subject of the ‘niqaab’. But what stood out the most for me, was people’s incapability to articulate their opinions without causing injury to those that choose to express themselves.

At one point I was disappointed to see sisters circle poor Yasmin who clearly feels confident to express her dislike about the veil. I do not agree with the way that Yasmin presented her view however one cannot deny that what she has defended in the past is worthy of an applause. So in conclusion I stand with Yasmin on some matters, however on some we are clearly oceans apart.

As Muslims we are told to ‘argue better than them’, and its something I choose to hold on to in the hope that I can over-ride my desire to let my ego get the better of me.

As for Douglas Murray, of course the niqaab would seem undesirable to him, alongside other things that many of us may cringe at seeing such as: piercings, Tattoos, fat people in clothes to small for them, and many other things can make us feel uncomfortable. But should we favour our own discomforts in attempt to control the behaviours of others, so we feel better? Clearly the answer is no, and it was a relief to see Mr Murray struggle to say he wants an outright ban, as he knows only to well it seems that this measure can only be applied in certain places when stressed.

Anyone who knows me, knows I was very quite in this debate and I guess it is due to me arriving to a conclusion that I feel content with. And that being, that like Turkey acknowledged, the introduction of their ban was clearly an act of discrimination, Britain also acknowledges this fact. As if we attempt to introduce a ban to alleviate women who are forced to a veil as a motivation, then we are ignoring the fact that we are as bad as the oppressors we claim to protect women against.

Rather than us eliminate things we don’t understand from society, we should educate people, to tolerate things that are alien to us. Isn’t that the solution?

And in the meantime invest our energies into matters that are clearly more concerning, such as child protection, sexual exploitation, Domestic Violence and many more issues.

Extra thank you to Channel 4 news team for their uniqueness and delivery of a great debate.

To those who say I’m wrong for speaking out about the veil


To those who say I'm wrong for speaking out about the veil

I have just got off the phone to someone who said I’m wrong for speaking out in public Media. My response, ‘Knowledge Precede’s Action’. The following is ONE of the ways I go about making a decision. Not all Media are evil or ignorant as some have claimed. So for those Muslims who claim to more righteous because they don’t speak to the Kufaar (dis believers), because ‘students of knowledge’ have told them to do so, then please read the following.

From the book “Words of Advice Regarding Da’wah” (‘Abdul ‘Azeez ibn ‘Abdullaah ibn Baaz RM)
Page 79, Chapter 20 states the following:
“Using Media for giving Dawah
The use of media has become one of the most successful and beneficial means of communication in this age. This is due to its popularity and it being a weapon with two edges.

If the media such as radio, Newspapers and television, are used for giving da’wah, and for guiding people to Allaah and what the Prophet Muhammad SAW has brought, then this is a great thing which can benefit the ummah wherever they are, by the permission of Allah. This can also benefit the non Muslim in helping them understand and comprehend it, learn about its merits and know that it is the path to success in this world and in the hereafter.

If is obligatory for the daa’ees, as well as for the Muslim rulers to contribute in Dawah in every way they can through the use of Radio, Newspaper, television and in speech’s in gatherings on Jummah (Friday) as well as on other days. They should also use other means which enable people to hear the truth in all the languages used by the people, so that dawah and advice can reach them wherever they are in the world, in their own languages.”

If after reading this you still feel I’m doing wrong, then advice with Quran and Sunnah, not your ego’s or opinions.

Spending time alone with your thoughts.


Spending time alone with your thoughts.

Quite recently I’m embarked upon a sister who wept in front of me. Her beauty was stunning, her house was amazing and her children gleamed with good manners. However in all of her perfection she found out the man she gave her all to was with another woman.

Head in her hands, heart in despair she pleaded with me for solace. ‘Why has he done this to me, I gave him everything he asked for, good food, beautiful children, good sex but still he goes and treats me like this’.

Now I’ve been here many times with my friends and of course, I was once the one who cried. So what do we say or what do we do when we find ourselves or our friends in this predicament?

The answer was in the second paragraph of this blog. We often pick up the phone or run to our friends for support when we are distressed by life’s experiences. And yet we fail notice the one thing we never did, spend time alone with ourselves (the voice within).

In the second paragraph there were many questions, and indeed what I often realize is no matter what we hear, we will fall straight into the same situation again and again until something changes. That change is empowering that voice within, to love and protect yourself enough to make sure that this never happens again. Isn’t that why we go to our friends or people? It is only human nature that we want to be looked after, but people and things are not reliable and not capable of resolving only what you have the power to change.

So my final word to people who happen to seek my advice is ‘take back your power and responsibility for who you allow to love you, trust you, and share your worth’.

Spend time alone with your thoughts that come from the voice within, the traveller within, that is trying to love you.

Saving money with Curry! My Curry Guide


Saving money with Curry! My Curry Guide

Every now and then I indulge in a little shopping therapy, as every now and then it has to be done. Unfortunately this has consequences, alongside the unexpected financial emergencies such as car troubles or celebrations that everyone seems to want to keep inventing!

But hey, I roll with the punches, as you do. So today whilst cooking I thought I must share my amazing discovery with curry. It has proved to be a life saver for my very fast and hectic lifestyle as a working mother. So here is what I’d like to share.

Curries are amazing as you can make a curry out of the simplest ingredients. The secret is the MASALA, once you’ve mastered this base of a curry you can officially considered yourself a curry extraordinaire.

So before I give you the Masala ingredients I’d just like to list the variety of curries you can make, that cost next to nothing. All you need is whatever you’ve decided to add to the curry, like: Potatoes, Vegetables, Egg, Prawn, Spinach, Lentils, Paneer (Cheese) and the list goes on.

Variations to the curries can be changed by adding either yogurt or coconut milk.

So how to make the masala (serve 4), ingredients will be in capitals for your shopping list:

Fry one large chopped ONION, just before they brown add two teaspoons of GARLIC AND GINGER PASTE, then brown in a couple of tablespoons of VEGETABLE OIL. Add GARAM MASALA seasoning (2 table spoons), sprinkle JEERA seasoning, 1/4 teaspoon of TUMERIC seasoning, fresh CORRIANDER or powder (1 Spoon) and pour half a tin of CHOPPED TOMATOES or 2 large fresh ones. A couple of Green Chillies finely chopped. And finally 1/2 teaspoons of SALT. Cook for a few of minutes, add water if necessary. You now have your base! Add what ever you like!

You can eat your curry with rice, naan or chapatti’s.

Once you’ve brought the brunt of ingredients its all about just buying what you fancy to curry up.

A trick I do and a lot of Asian women I know is to cook a large pot of masala and then separate it and freeze it. Therefore when you are in a rush you can just drop the frozen masala in, wait a couple of minutes and off you go.

I find the curries filling, tasty and definitely a money saver!

I never usually write about cooking so this is just one of them random blogs, I hope it proves worthy to someone!