“Come on now sister you are better than that”! This statement amongst many others are one of the many I’d love to tell quite a few sisters who are recently relating stories to me about various ways they have ended up getting married.
One sister told me it was something she chose to do, now who can argue with that! I was baffled for quite a while trying to understand why I was still very upset to hear that a sister would allow herself to be limited to nothing more than being a sexual object that is used and left whenever its function was necessary.
This morning I came off the phone having finally found peace with myself about an activity in Islam that is given a green light, OR SO IT SEEMS!
Most of the women that embarked upon this type of relationship would sooner or later come to me crying telling me how one form of abuse had escalated to a progressive collection of unhealthy power and abuse games until someone waved the white flag, usually the women.
I chose to deliver one clear message to my sister on the phone who cried to me about what had occurred between her and her lover. I turned the conversation round and relayed to her my situation. I told her I met someone and blah blah blah, we all know how it goes… She was totally shocked saying why would you, and are you sure this is you? I eventually shared with her of course this wasn’t me, it was you! And your ability to love me more than you do yourself is where the problem lies.
So what does Islam say about protecting ourselves from this type of behaviour? Well it is very clear, Allah has prescribed exactly what a woman needs from her husband, and if he can’t do any of those things than he needs to keep it moving.
I see many sisters forfeiting their rights whether they be financial or remaining a secret. None of these things are healthy for the self, and as much as someone may argue that, “if that’s what makes her feel comfortable then let her do so”. I say let her ‘holistic well being’ be restored to its fullest first, that is what needs to take precedence over everything else! If the she loves herself enough she’ll be able to make decisions that will benefit her rather than oppress her. And only those who have walked that path will fully understand what I mean by this.
So if you are that sister or woman I will leave you with two of the most powerful quotes that changed my life.
“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves” Quran 13:11
‘…and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.’ (Quran 2: 216)