The Other Woman and Polygany


The Other Woman and Polygany

In the space of 2 days I’ve watched the movie ‘The Other Woman’ which was totally a hit, and I’ve also participated in a marriage event. How do the two come together you wonder? Well I wouldn’t usually dream of entertaining this topic however quite recently I finished a conversation with a young man who hit the subject home.

At the marriage events I myself was taken back by how many beautiful sisters were, divorced with children, at the event. Their beauty of character and appearance seemed to shine amongst others who were clearly very young but ready for marriage. I sat at my table and continued to see a rotation of brothers grace me and a few other sisters with their presence.

At the end of the event I mingled with the sisters and asked a few whether they would consider being second wives as clearly a lot of the brothers at these events were either too young or first timer’s in the quest for love and were not interested in marrying divorced women. Their response was clear as I was met with a choir of, No’s.

I then contemplated on how many women who were happily married would be prepared to encourage their husbands to marry again. In addition to this my conversation that I embarked upon with a young man was in the following context. I had mentioned how astounded our beloved Prophet Muhammed SAW really was as not only did he Marry for the FIRST TIME to a DIVORCED WOMAN, but Khadijah RA was 15 years older than him. The brother defended his position by stating that there is much difficulty in attaining this level of character, not only for men but also for women, he stated the example of presenting the divorced woman with the opportunity of being a second wife. The Point is it seems, everybody struggles with the concept of sharing or been ‘SECONDS’.

Thinking back to the movie ‘The Other Woman’, I reminised on how many times I’d spoken to girls who where either fully aware that they were ‘The Other Woman’, or played dumb almost holding onto some dignity of claiming ‘The wifey’ award when everybody knew she was one of many.

Islam of course gives the green light to this practice, and whilst many find difficulty in swallowing this pill, I wonder how long it will be before this foreign practice becomes very familiar indeed.


8 responses »

  1. I think for a lot of women it’s the feeling of being the ‘other woman’ or ‘second’ that puts them off. Where as islam has emphasised equality amongst the wives. We will see this in the slaves of the Muslims and how they wore clothes on oar with their masters.

      • Alhumdulillah I myself am happily married. My wife is very supportive in me having a 2nd wife. Not because she is from abroad or this or that. She is British pakistani. Young beautiful and educated. She understands that Allah swt has made us different. We can see examples of jealousy from the wives of the prophet pbuh. But this is part of the fitrah.

  2. Showing the fact that there is equality embedded with these responsibilities. A woman will rather wait for years to find a suitor rather than enter polygamous marriage. Where she can enjoy a companion and a father figure to her children. Yes we all do have our own choices but sometimes we need to have tawakul too.

    • I just put this on my Facebook, Mashallah I love your wife for the sake of Allah as I’m sure you do in sha Allah
      “This is the importance of Tawheed. It teaches us to become selfless, We love for the sake of Allah, then we love Prophet Muhammed SAW and then we love our selves. This management of love is a great way of us managing conflict in any relationship, be it with your desires or your spouse or children! If that makes sense. We often forget we are still travellers and we haven’t yet arrived at our final destination. Loving your self more than you do anything including Allah will be ONE’s greatest destruction!”

      • Alhumdulillah it is so true. I myself only discovered the sweetness of imaan only when I totally submitted to Allah swt. Leaving urges and desires to one side even if I am in complete loss. Before we married we were complete opposites. So the whole notion of compatibility which I was looking for many years was completely blown out the window. I realised marriage is not about compatibility it’s more about compromisment.

  3. When we all submit to the laws of Allah swt and realise if we are put under someone it is only through Allah’s hikmah we will progress in dunya and deen. Being submissive is not a weakness rather it’s the highest state.

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