Monthly Archives: June 2014

Sexual Abuse- Where do I start Part 1

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Sexual Abuse- Where do I start Part 1

The brother abused his sister, the uncle abused his niece, the father abused his daughter, the cousins abused him, the imam abused the student. The amount of calls I receive on this topic are endless. I’ve remained silent on this issue for quite a while now trying to figure out how I approach it, but enough is enough.

Firstly if you’ve been abused I hope it is clear to you by now that you have nothing to be ashamed of, rather it is those that took part in making you feel as though this abuse was nothing more than a slap on the wrist and you should get over it that should really be ashamed.

Secondly to the family that finds out about the abuse- It is important to know that how a family responds can either aid the victim to make a quicker recovery, but if not managed correctly, the way a family respond can set the victim back further more.

My delay in addressing this topic has been due to me wanting to do a radio show that not only raises the topic but has the right people on offering support from different aspects.

Although sexual abuse is more common with girls, boys are also at risk of been abused, and in some cases I’ve heard that more that one person has taken part in this vicious crime.

It seems many want me to raise this issue on my show and in blogs so I’ll try my best to address it the way it should. If you would like support or to inform me of any organisations that help others please email iamshalina@live.co.uk and you will be contacted God Willing

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Behind the Veil

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You either get it or you don’t, and if you don’t then I hope the following helps you out a bit.

See I tried to fit into all the little boxes people usually put you in based on the way you talk, walk, dress and behave. But it didn’t work out, cos it left people happy but me miserable. It took me years to break down the walls that I’d allowed to be built up around me creating a fortress that protect ‘them’ from me.

Eventually I found my way out, and fed up of giving those around me what they wanted I set out to go for what I needed. Along the way I turned to my Lord for guidance and protection from those that would force me to silence the very essence of who I really am.

Believing in yourself when no one else does is like walking in the dark. A part of you wants to stay where things are familiar, even with the things that make you miserable.

My decision to finally free myself from the oppressions of others meant I would revisit the way I walk, talk, act and dress caring little for the consequences previously instilled in me.

The Documentary done about me is a little window into me doing this. People who don’t get me need to understand I’m someone who has been raised in England exposed to many cultures that have all resonated with me in different ways. A mixture of British, Pakistani, Jamaican, Religious and musical attitudes and beliefs have all affected who I am today.

Do not judge its not your place, rather comprehend that nothing stay or no one stays the same.

http://programma.ntr.nl/10607/seks-en-de-zonde/detail/aflevering/6000013092/Seks-en-de-Zonde (series 5)

Videos of me singing can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=On2EmHj_RRY

The path of abandonment

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They could no longer hide the truth, ‘they don’t care, harsh but true’, from the words of those that did. I cried in despair feeling helpless and exhausted from shifting through the endless ways I could find excuses for the way they treated me.

“Why do you punish yourself”? Many began to ask me the same thing, and I had to start changing my answers. I never perceived it as me punishing myself but rather another opportunity for them to love me. All of the movies I watched had happy endings, so why couldn’t mine be one I thought. University taught me what was right, so why couldn’t they fulfil that role.

When your life contradicts your reality it can turn you crazy as mine almost did. Young Pakistani Asian girl raised in an Off Licence. That was my first hurdle, and yet I never quite got it then either. People were shocked, but rather than ask this young girl more questions I was given the silent treatment. People back then were 10 times more cultural then what we have today which is nothing more than a diluted cordial drink. I was in the core of Pakistani culture, Salvar Kameezes, trousers under my skirts and two pig tails.

My teacher always said, “One day, I’m going to turn on my TV and see you on it”. She wasn’t wrong, I’ve been on TV alright, but for reasons not even I would have anticipated.

Draped in material with my head in my hands I lift my head up and took a deep breath. “I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone should be ashamed, its them, for not protecting me or defending my innocence when I was a child”.

My hands crept to the keyboard of my laptop, I took a deep breath, “Lets Begin”

A snippet from my book… watch this space