The 2nd wife, sabotage, secrets and spirituality

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Some say its fine, whilst concealing a venom about sharing their husband.  They marry as 2nd wives holding no protest to the circumstances.  Whilst in some cases they prepare for battle to be the best of wives to the point of elimination of the 1st party.

I’ve heard testimony upon testimony of wives who have felt ill treated because a second wife has been discovered or simply exhausts the righteousness and piety of the wife that does volunteer into such a marriage.  As my own journey of been a Muslimah plateaus I’ve discovered a dark side in the world of Islamic polygamous marriage as my dependency on a group of people loosens.

For Many Muslims who embark on what may be considered as a puritanical version of Islam they are all pointed in one direction, Salafi Publications.

At first I too held them with the highest regard, but this changed very quickly as I soon became exposed to personal trials and trials of others that were left in dismay as their eagerness to be on the right path was abused.

Probably one of my controversial posts yet, but with women been abused, children witnessing this chaos in the name of Islam, speaking out is the least I can do.

The journey of the woman that is guided to Islam but their self worth and self respect is low is unfortunately prey to a bunch of brothers who abuse their power.  The evidence is seen in the mental health of the woman and children who are simply left to pick up the pieces of their lives.

The journey of the man however is a very different one, they can marry, impregnate, abuse and divorce the a woman, only to go on and do the same, while the woman is left divorced, with children and financially at a disadvantage as she swims against the current that pulls her under.  Is this Islam you wonder?  No! This is merely a bunch of men who read out of the books of scholars and then go on to marry of women who have fallen in love with the eloquence of their speech.  This woman doesn’t have the opportunity to discover a true picture of a man from the brotherhood because his dirty marks from past relationships are covered up by those who choose to remain silent in the name of righteousness?

The Secrets that are concealed between them are such that sisters would go behind the backs of one another having secret marriages, forfeiting their financial rights dismissing their husbands duty to provide while the government pays for them to swim in a pool which is nothing but an illusion of bliss.

Finally there remains the spiritual enlightenment that is maintained by the one that guides us to this beautiful religion (Allah SWT).  Had I remained attached to those I’m told are closest to the truth I’d probably be an atheist.  Fortunately for me through prayer and guidance I’ve been blessed with the company of those that have also embarked upon the same ship I had previously sailed on.  With their own tales to tell Allah has brought us together reaffirming that depending upon Quran and Sunnah is not our fault, it was moving with a small group of people who clearly have lost sight of how those in power should manage a community that will go on to either sing their praises or close a door to them.

The intention behind this post was not to avert people from Islam or a particular aqeedah (belief), it was in fact to remind people that obedience is to Allah and not mankind.  When the truth is revealed to you Allah has told us to Complain to him and not the people, so that is what I did.  In doing so Allah blessed me with those that have asserted my faith, however I’ve also established that my silence was a crime as it just made room for those to abuse to keep on abusing, so May Allah accept this as my act of Ibadah (worship) speaking out in the hope of reminding my dear women and sister of Islam, that if all isn’t right, and you’ve exhausted your patience, do not oppress your self by remaining silent, seek justice, even if it is against yourself.

“Truly you DO NOT BELIEVE until you love for your brother what you love for yourself”

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About iamshalina

http://iamshalin5.wix.com/iamshalina Shalina Litt was in the music business from the age of 15 years old and it wasn't until around 2006 that life took a big turn for her. She graduated with a BA Hons in Early Childhood Studies eager to do right by my son. Around 2006 she embraced Islam and took on a calmer lifestyle getting married and focusing on being a mother alongside a business woman. Her marriage dissolved due to domestic Violence in 2009 and she retook a different path learning how to rebuild my self esteem and confidence. This journey allowed Shalina to share her growth via blogs and vlogs building a large following around the topic of abuse. Around 2011 her career as a Radio Presenter at Unity FM began. As her confidence grew, she decided to speak out in international media defending the rights of Women and Hijab. This lead her to successfully be present in Media covering newspaper, TV, Radio and Magazines in addition to have been in a successful documentary done about 6 Muslim women from around the world by a TV Production Team (NRL) from the Netherlands. This public platform allowed her to be vocal about various heart felt topics through Social media and other broadcasting opportunities. As a result Shalina now coaches women around the topic of Abuse Resolution. She continues to appear in mainstream media discussing various topics around Islam and women. She also runs her own business providing Inclusive Islamic Education for SEND Children. She is currently recording an album and writing a book, both due to be released in 2017 God Willing. For more details or to contact Shalina Litt email iamshalina@live.co.uk

5 responses »

  1. Thanks for posting on this subject. This is a very taboo topic and I find it is an issue in Black community as well as within different Faiths, and of course in our society. I am glad that you pointed out that Allah is the one who are to be loyal to and we don’t OWE it to our abusers to remain silent.

  2. Wow, I am really shocked at this attack on ‘Salafi Publications’ and frankly I am so disappointed as I thought you would never be so narrow in your thinking.

    The issues surrounding plural marriage happen in every community, and within every sect amongst the Muslims.

    I know people in the Midlands area who have issues with second wives, maintenance, abuse etc etc. and guess what, the male perpetrators include Muslim men who do not pray,smoke and have never heard of the word salafi, men who attend Green Lane masjid who are not salafi, men who attend all masajid in Birmingham and are not salafi, men who practise Islam and are Sufi leaning cultural Muslims, again, not Salafi, asylum seekers who marry a revert sister who was orginally their girlfriend and are not Salafi! The victims I have encountered include non- Salafi women who are foreign born, house wives and women who are in an arranged/forced marriage. This is nothing like the demographic of Salafi women who are majority UK / Europe born and have married thorough choice.

    To label the Salafi community in this manner is simply absurd and unfair. Yes, marital issues do occur amongst those who ascribe to the sunnah but I can also give you examples of sucessful plural marriages within this community also.

    Maybe you simply weren’t aware of the other side of this coin and so gave the only perspective you knew. Truth be told, as bad as some Salafi sister’s experiences have been, at least they have escaped through divorce which they can access. This is not the case for most of the women who I have mentioned above, and their situation is hence far worse and many will remain in it for the foreseeable future, possibly forever.

    It’s also worth mentioning that we shouldn’t turn away from the Sunnah and those who adhere to the way of the salaf simply due to personal experiences. Yes, some behaviours that you may have witnessed personally or otherwise may be shocking and extreme, but at the end of the day this is the behaviour of some Salafis and not the way of the Salaf.

    Does it really make sense to identify a problem and then run away from it and simply blame salafiyyah or ‘Salafi Publications’ when you can use your experience to educate others in the community? When sisters or brothers experience bad things from other salafis and then retreat away from the community then ultimately both camps lose out – those in the wrong have no-one to advise them and the victims who isolate them selves lose out on all the goodness of the dawah salafiyyah and the company of those who truthfully adhere to it.

  3. Testing2 yes you are right its not limited to Salafis. Alhamdulillah we are not Salafi. I am a first wife whose husband has married at least two other women behind my back. I don’t blame him entirely – Qadar Allah

    But you need to wake up to the facts that Shalina has outlined above. The Salafi sect has caused more harm than you care to recognise. Clearly a sign of its invalidity.

    “Rub those eyes of yours”

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