I was never the victim in their eyes

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I was so confident something would happen.  I’m not quite sure what exactly, but something.  Sat in a circle on our chairs everyone’s faces were dark with the weight of what they knew.  Confronted I was sure he would deny it all, so I took a great leap of faith with my counsellor by my side.  Only 15 years old, and while some may call it naive, I saw courage and strength.  My counsellor had prepared me, and thought it was very optimistic that all of the family were so interested.  And so the moment came, someone asked, ” Did you abuse her then, did you sexually abuse her”?

You could cut the air with a knife.  I don’t remember anyone sitting next to me, however I do remember the faces in the room.  Waiting for his answer was like a man standing in front of me with a gun, would he fire a blank, kill me or walk away.  “yes he said I did”.  Quite a lot of people burst into tears, including his wife, who I felt it most for, If I’d have kept quite I wouldn’t have put her through so much.  The echoes of the past that still live with me today.

So what next?  How did this family react, did they react even? The answer is a shocking NO.  NOTHING, no shouting, no beating no screaming.  For me it just seemed like business as usual, and little did I know what lay ahead of me.  All the preparing my counsellor did went down the drain. Cause what took me years to learn is that been abused was the least of my worries.  It was how my family responded that lead me further into a world of abuse, vulnerability, guilt, denial, acceptance and forgiveness to free myself from a harsh reality.  I never was a victim in their eyes.

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About iamshalina

http://iamshalin5.wix.com/iamshalina Shalina Litt was in the music business from the age of 15 years old and it wasn't until around 2006 that life took a big turn for her. She graduated with a BA Hons in Early Childhood Studies eager to do right by my son. Around 2006 she embraced Islam and took on a calmer lifestyle getting married and focusing on being a mother alongside a business woman. Her marriage dissolved due to domestic Violence in 2009 and she retook a different path learning how to rebuild my self esteem and confidence. This journey allowed Shalina to share her growth via blogs and vlogs building a large following around the topic of abuse. Around 2011 her career as a Radio Presenter at Unity FM began. As her confidence grew, she decided to speak out in international media defending the rights of Women and Hijab. This lead her to successfully be present in Media covering newspaper, TV, Radio and Magazines in addition to have been in a successful documentary done about 6 Muslim women from around the world by a TV Production Team (NRL) from the Netherlands. This public platform allowed her to be vocal about various heart felt topics through Social media and other broadcasting opportunities. As a result Shalina now coaches women around the topic of Abuse Resolution. She continues to appear in mainstream media discussing various topics around Islam and women. She also runs her own business providing Inclusive Islamic Education for SEND Children. She is currently recording an album and writing a book, both due to be released in 2017 God Willing. For more details or to contact Shalina Litt email iamshalina@live.co.uk

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