The Secret to Love


I learnt the hard way that loving a man more than you love yourself will only cause you misery and pain.  And I give thanks for having a husband that reminded me with the statement, “If its for Allah, do it! If its for me don’t”.  Now while my friends often scorned me for not taking offence to such a statement, some of them understood the beauty.

I realise over the years that people and things will let you down, and if you depend on them for anything, most typically HAPPINESS, you are setting yourself up to fail.  Here I discovered the Secret to REAL LOVE, one that will never fail you.  But of course it doesn’t always go to plan.  Too much its obsession, too little its neglect, so how do we establish that we are loving just right?

Over time I learnt that as a Muslim my love must be distributed in a certain if I’m to be successful at loving the right way. And so it goes, I must love Allah, first and foremost, love Prophet Muhammed (Peace and Blessings be upon him) and then love my self.  Thats a lot of loving I’ve done before I’ve even got to my spouse, children or others.  But in reality this method of loving ensures that we are a long way from immediately seeking our own pleasure which isn’t always the right choice, especially concerning matters of the ego/heart which can be very self serving when it comes to getting what we want.

The result is actually an amazing one, been in a relationship that is selfless.  The two that love argue in the name of Allah, not in the name of love.  They adhere to the rewards and punishments of the one they love (Allah) to determine how a dispute will end.  Their Lord promises the one one is quick to settle in an argument even though they know they are right will be rewarded.

The companions (Sahabah)  of the Prophet Muhammed (May peace and Blessings be upon him)  would only marry their daughters to men who displayed high levels of Taqwa (fear of Allah) and Ilm (Knowledge), so in the event of the marriage deteriorating, the daughters would be protected by the chosen husbands eager to please their Lord via the treatment of their wives.

Its information when you don’t understand, but when you do its knowledge.  And only the wise know how to apply it.  In my opinion we have a lot of knowledgeable people but lack those who have wisdom, something that is only granted from God.

Many have seen me struggle and question my motives for staying in a religion that appears to have presented me with noting but trials.  But at the end of my trials, through patience and prayer I receive blessings that I refuse to boast about. But secretly I give thanks to the lessons that bring me closer to my Lord and my self and a life full of promises that will never be broken by my Lord. In sha Allah (God Willing)


Spirituality V Religion


I’m a Muslim because I have 100% conviction that Islam is the truth, and this has been affirmed through times when I’ve asked from my Lord and he has provided.  But there are times I experience moments that leave me questioning the height of spirituality.

Twice now I’ve been contacted by Non Muslims who have reached out to me telling me that they had an urgency to contact me out of no where, at a time when I was in need of wisdom.  Now these are people I value highly for good character and conduct.  Which leaves me revisiting a realm of spirituality that see’s no divisions, all it see’s is vibrations and frequencies.

If you’re loosing me at this point, than maybe spirituality ain’t your thang, but if you’re intrigued then what I’m getting at, is what is it that transforms our behaviour? Our ability to communicate on a spiritual plane or a physical one.

It is fast becoming my opinion that purification of the soul, or self is what elevates our ability to conduct ourselves on a spiritual plane.  For example meeting someone who fasts, meditates, is grateful, eats good, abstains from intoxicants will present to you a different set of outcomes in comparison to one who does all of the opposite.  And what clearly makes these people distinct is their ability to over-ride the lowly things that control us and keep us away from exploring our spirituality.

When you’re hungry you eat, when you’re tired you sleep, when you’re horny you have sex, when you’re angry you shout!  With no restraint you lack the discipline required to help you elevate on a spiritual plane.

So concluding my theory, it is those that practice restraint, whether it is in the name of God, Health or Self, elevating them to a world that delivers them instincts others cannot attain without the same disciplines in place, is what unites us.

Whether or not Religion is the truth, continues to be the journey of the self to decide with the aid of the Most High, the creator of everything that exists!

Big love to my spiritual brothers and sisters, I have many! Praise be to God!


I need a drink!


Yep, every now and then things get really bad, and I contemplate putting on my coat and nipping to the Offy.  And the fact that I have friends that will indulge in the odd night out that leaves them slurring or crawling at the end leaves me wondering if I can join them.

But there is a fight inside of me, one that has been there since I embraced Islam roughly 8 years ago.  It was then that I discovered something called the sweetness of eemaan (faith), and what a beautiful feeling it is.  If one could describe it, it would be like been pushed in a sea and standing up drenched in pure faith and certainty that nothing and no one but God can save me.

I’ve turned to many things to get emotional gratification in the past, to fill the dark void within, that was like a black hole.  I’d find short fixes, but they were either bad for me in the long run, or left me feeling even worse that I’d originally started off.  Within the space of 3 months I went from nightclubbing with the girls, to been covered from head to toe.

I’d explored so many religions, Christianity, Buddhism, African Spirituality and all of them were like snowflakes of knowledge slowing collecting on the roof top of my house.  I remember one day, crying and falling to my knees saying God, Most High, Jah, whoever you are whatever you are, show me the way.  And just like that, the next morning it was like an avalanche of information came crashing down on me, and I had no doubt what the truth was.

One of the biggest mistakes I made back then however, is in the midst of me wanting to give thanks to my Lord for giving me this sweetness of Eemaan, I turned to people who would in turn dictate their version of Islam.  Without realising it, I would do things to almost impress them, and demonstrate through my identity and actions my devotion to God.

Today however if I could do things differently I would.  Over time I realise this method of Worshipping Allah was wrong.  Not only was it wrong because I always walked a thin line between pleasing people or my Lord, but it was oppressive.  It took me away from the real beauty of Islam, one that I wouldn’t have discovered, if I hadn’t fell flat on my face.

Fear Allah my company would tell me! And that is all I seemed to do, and to be fair it wasn’t enough.  Allah has 99 names, and we should learn them for a reason.  I need Allah’s Mercy, I need to know Allah is all Just, and the list goes on.  Cause when I mess up, and turn back to things that displease my Lord, I need to know that as quick as I repent, is as quickly as my Lord forgives me.  This approach enabled me to act out of Love, not just fear.

So as much as I admire the intoxicated one, after a night of tears, and learning to be alone with my self and the ambush of evil whispers, I wake up grateful to have developed the strength to love my self enough to do right by myself.  However on a bad night, if you see me in the corner or unable to walk a straight line, don’t judge me.  Allah is my judge, All seeing all knowing!

Dedicated to my brothers and sisters who despite their demons, Believe!  May Allah bless us all with the sweetness of eemaan Ameen!




Writing is a healing.


Practice what you preach and so the saying goes.  And I can honestly say it has been achieved and furthermore it is what has led me to be where I am today.

Refreshingly, my arrival back in the UK, greeted me with the embodiment of who I used to be as lots of my past encounters reached out to me to share their joy of my return.  My latest adventure had taken me to Kuwait where I had to manage a new set of life skills learning how to adapt to living in the middle east.  So for the last year my previous vacancy to help others was now closed as I focused on family and career.

My previous well established routine of blogging and vlogging diminished and was replaced with building my own confidence in this new chapter of my life which I had no time to write about.  Instead I managed the odd picture and lots of whats apping, catching up with those that mattered at times when I wasn’t my strong and confident self.

Its been 6 months now that I’ve been back in the UK, and in that time, I not only revisited the past of myself, but I became a mom again for the third time, praise be to God.

I feel like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon as I spread my wings, as truly after almost a year of hibernation, I feel the passion of the writer emerge and scream out for the sound of those fingers tapping away on the keys.

Its been a year full of tears, happiness and joy, and I can’t wait to share the lessons, cause in every hardship there is a valuable lesson.  As I started so I will finish, meaning that on reflection of how and when my blogging journey began, it was with the same enquiry about life.  I chose to share my desire to change what was in my control and give the rest to God.  And here I am again, starting with the woman in the mirror, with stretch marks, scars and a really big smile.

Writing is my healing, so thank you to those who have stuck with me all the way 🙂  Your reading is my motivation

Peace and Love to you all!

Your Pain has a purpose.


How liberating is it to look back at a trial or tribulation you were going through, and acknowledge that you made it through.  You feel the beginning of something new grow inside of you that you thought was never possible to exist.  But all along it was there, and it wouldn’t have become without the hardship you encountered.

How beautiful is it, to thank your Lord, and develop the strength to forgive.  To look the people in the face that were a part of a time in your life, when they could have been there to pick you up, but they didn’t.  Instead those people you thought would help you up, stood and watched.  Some of them were tired of picking you up and wanted you to do it for yourself, whilst others merely stood back satisfied to see you struggle as they had predicted or prayed for.

You can forgive them because in the absence of their help, you learnt the greatest gift of all, that you can help yourself.  And you can thank your Lord, because you can see, that if this hardship hadn’t have existed, you wouldn’t reap the benefits of the person you are today.

Today I’m surrounded with people who are beautified through their speech and actions.  They ooze positivity and love, walking around leaving their presence like a beautiful scent in the air.  People like this embrace hardship through patience and prayer knowing the struggle will only prolong the hardship.  Whilst the prayer and patience will allow the reason for the hardship to manifest, and another lesson of life to unfold.

As I’m blessed with another year these are my reflections.  I give thanks for the people and the experiences that allow me to grow and share where I can.


God is Good God is Great

With Love your Sister


From the west to the east.


It really was a big culture shock!  I came to the middle east with a lot of preconceived of what it was all about. It wasn’t long before I could see the good and the bad.  The good for me came from the sense of empowerment I got for just been a Muslim woman in this country.  Men literally jump out of the way so as not to come anywhere near you, its illegal for them to stand in an elevator with you, at the supermarket all I do is pop what I want in the basket.  My bags are packed by men, by trolley is pushed by men!  And finally there is the taxi ride, no chit chat just place and price.

Now i’ve been told a lot that I look Kuwaite, hence I would often get people treating me like the local women.  It would come as a big shock when this smiley Brummy would start talking in what would appear to ‘them’ as an over friendly manner.  To them it was alien, to me it was just manners.

Been here for approximately 8 months now and it has impacted by character. I’m still my bubbly self, but my need to have a friendly conversation has diminished rapidly.  I found myself slowly sinking comfortably into my role as a pious Muslim Woman who only speaks to men out of necessity, other than that my silence is taken for nothing but pure respect.

Now I’m probably just touching on the surface here with my own personal experience as a Muslim Woman from the West going to the Middle East, but it really has made a difference to my perception of myself in a positive way.

Now not everything that glitters is gold, so the saying goes.  In Kuwait lies a dark world of drinking, prostitution and homosexuality.  This side of Kuwait really threw me where I have seen the best of characters swept away by this wave of darkness. Only those strong in eemaan survive.

Seeking a social life as a woman here in the Middle East I have to say you are limited to 1 of 3 things, eating, shopping and smoking sheesha.  So I found it very frustrating when I couldn’t find that middle ground, as usually in the UK I could find a spot to go with my girlie girls and just have a good time without the seedyness.  So for me that side of Kuwait was a little bit like cold turkey, as unfortunately night time in Kuwait is a man’s world, especially if you got money.

Anyway other than that I’m loving the impact on family life, and am slowly starting to learn how to get around and find alternative ways of entertaining myself.

I’ll try to get on my blogging a lot more as it has been requested.  Keep those questions coming in and I’ll try my best to answer.