I learnt the hard way that loving a man more than you love yourself will only cause you misery and pain. And I give thanks for having a husband that reminded me with the statement, “If its for Allah, do it! If its for me don’t”. Now while my friends often scorned me for not taking offence to such a statement, some of them understood the beauty.
I realise over the years that people and things will let you down, and if you depend on them for anything, most typically HAPPINESS, you are setting yourself up to fail. Here I discovered the Secret to REAL LOVE, one that will never fail you. But of course it doesn’t always go to plan. Too much its obsession, too little its neglect, so how do we establish that we are loving just right?
Over time I learnt that as a Muslim my love must be distributed in a certain if I’m to be successful at loving the right way. And so it goes, I must love Allah, first and foremost, love Prophet Muhammed (Peace and Blessings be upon him) and then love my self. Thats a lot of loving I’ve done before I’ve even got to my spouse, children or others. But in reality this method of loving ensures that we are a long way from immediately seeking our own pleasure which isn’t always the right choice, especially concerning matters of the ego/heart which can be very self serving when it comes to getting what we want.
The result is actually an amazing one, been in a relationship that is selfless. The two that love argue in the name of Allah, not in the name of love. They adhere to the rewards and punishments of the one they love (Allah) to determine how a dispute will end. Their Lord promises the one one is quick to settle in an argument even though they know they are right will be rewarded.
The companions (Sahabah) of the Prophet Muhammed (May peace and Blessings be upon him) would only marry their daughters to men who displayed high levels of Taqwa (fear of Allah) and Ilm (Knowledge), so in the event of the marriage deteriorating, the daughters would be protected by the chosen husbands eager to please their Lord via the treatment of their wives.
Its information when you don’t understand, but when you do its knowledge. And only the wise know how to apply it. In my opinion we have a lot of knowledgeable people but lack those who have wisdom, something that is only granted from God.
Many have seen me struggle and question my motives for staying in a religion that appears to have presented me with noting but trials. But at the end of my trials, through patience and prayer I receive blessings that I refuse to boast about. But secretly I give thanks to the lessons that bring me closer to my Lord and my self and a life full of promises that will never be broken by my Lord. In sha Allah (God Willing)