Tag Archives: love

In control or being controlled

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How often do you sit down alone, with no interruptions, I mean phone off, tell others not to disturb you, close your eyes and be still.  Anyone who does this regularly will know immediately it isn’t easy as a flood of questions and a bombardment of words come rushing into our heads. Very quickly you can identify what is over consuming your time and energy for either addressing it or not.

I’ve learnt that until we find peace with this moment and regain clarity and control, this backlog of tasks will eventually take its toll on us one way or another.  But its not that which I wish to address today. It is the ability to recognise what or who really controls our behaviour.  It could be a habit for some, people for some, dreams, or hurt.  Either way until we resolve or establish a means of being in control, we will lead very miserable lives.

Over the years I have battled to submit and give my control to the worship of my Lord, and alongside this intention I have been tested.  I’m no angel, and in the past I had become dependant on a habit which intoxicated me to the point of freeing me from the very ambush of conversation I today can sit still and be alone with.  But it took a lot of cold turkey, tears, failure and determination to arrive at this place.

The more I strived to be at peace with myself and the more I had to challenge the negative self that I had allowed to grow out of fear of facing it.  The questions were painful, but they required certainty in forgiveness before I could move forward.  I arrived at certainty, but the wait for its delivery sometimes overwhelmed me and I would fall.

We’re living in a time where people are quick to make money off an all too common state of being people have found themselves in, distracting themselves from being alone with social media, drugs, alcohol, sexual activity, work or anything else that will convince them that doing this is better than been alone.

I’m not claiming my time alone is easy, but it has proved to be my greatest strength at winning the battle against my heart that is often all too quick to fall in love with that which is not good for me because I haven’t recognised my worth.  Work in progress, but for now I feel confident enough to say I’m back in control and no longer being controlled by that which is always self serving, and no good for me.

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Bursting with Goodness!

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Bursting with Goodness!

I guess releasing the shackles that weighed me down, really do leave me feeling as light as a feather. I feel like I’m dancing and surrounded by light, jumping up and down for Joy. I’m attracted to nothing but goodness for myself and Praise be to Allah it feels good.

There were certain people in my life that shadowed me with their clouds, casting a darkness over me, that drained every last bit of optimism out of me. An encounter with them would usually leave me drained, and my soul would retreat to a dark corner.

Time and time again, I would forgive and forget the pain inflicted on me, all because of what? Because I didn’t take responsibility for the fact that I had the power to change things, especially when I knew all too well that things weren’t going to change.

Walking away for me wasn’t as simple as I would have like it to be. I had to revisit a place I hadn’t been for a long time, all because I’d spent my time believing in other people. I had to re invest all of my love and energy to myself.

It truly felt like cold turkey at first, left to face the questions and answers of my true self. Over time I learnt and became familiar with why I was so sad. But that change in direction was really what I needed. “Allah does not change the state of a people until they change themselves”. It felt like my change of attitude was rewarded with a change of people that slowly began to enter my life.

The day finally arrived when with all certainty, I was strong and able enough to walk out of the darkness into the light. And God do I feel ALIVE! Mashallah! I want to eat good, feel good, look good and rush towards nothing but pure goodness and positivity.

Goodness is all around you, so I urge you to change what you have the power to. It isn’t an easy road, but you are definitely worth that investment of time and energy, what you waiting for?

Sex and Marriage!

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Make it Halal!

“Come on now sister you are better than that”! This statement amongst many others are one of the many I’d love to tell quite a few sisters who are recently relating stories to me about various ways they have ended up getting married.

One sister told me it was something she chose to do, now who can argue with that! I was baffled for quite a while trying to understand why I was still very upset to hear that a sister would allow herself to be limited to nothing more than being a sexual object that is used and left whenever its function was necessary.

This morning I came off the phone having finally found peace with myself about an activity in Islam that is given a green light, OR SO IT SEEMS!

Most of the women that embarked upon this type of relationship would sooner or later come to me crying telling me how one form of abuse had escalated to a progressive collection of unhealthy power and abuse games until someone waved the white flag, usually the women.

I chose to deliver one clear message to my sister on the phone who cried to me about what had occurred between her and her lover. I turned the conversation round and relayed to her my situation. I told her I met someone and blah blah blah, we all know how it goes… She was totally shocked saying why would you, and are you sure this is you? I eventually shared with her of course this wasn’t me, it was you! And your ability to love me more than you do yourself is where the problem lies.

So what does Islam say about protecting ourselves from this type of behaviour? Well it is very clear, Allah has prescribed exactly what a woman needs from her husband, and if he can’t do any of those things than he needs to keep it moving.

I see many sisters forfeiting their rights whether they be financial or remaining a secret. None of these things are healthy for the self, and as much as someone may argue that, “if that’s what makes her feel comfortable then let her do so”. I say let her ‘holistic well being’ be restored to its fullest first, that is what needs to take precedence over everything else! If the she loves herself enough she’ll be able to make decisions that will benefit her rather than oppress her.  And only those who have walked that path will fully understand what I mean by this.

So if you are that sister or woman I will leave you with two of the most powerful quotes that changed my life.

“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves” Quran 13:11

‘…and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.’ (Quran 2: 216)

This orb of emotion

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This orb of emotion

As I put down the phone, I feel the orb of emotion swirling in the centre of my chest, waiting to be dispersed. Never would I ever have imagined that I would get to a point where I could decide how I would let this energy travel.

Emotion means energy in emotion and often leads to Love, Hate, Anger, Sadness and the list goes on.

Now most people, rather than observing their state of emotions rush to something that gives them temporary emotional gratification, diverting the destination of the emotion to a state of intoxication or bliss which they receive through different ways.

For some it’s smoking, drinking, shopping, eating, having sex or going to the gym. But what is really needed is to find a way of directing our energy to an outlet that enables us to restore equilibrium once our waters having being disturbed.

As I finish writing this blog, this orb of energy has become less intense but still very much present. So I’m off to have a good cry, forgive myself and continue with the day. Till the next storm!

I surrender to Love!

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I surrender to Love!

When it all gets too much, our whole body naturally falls into submission as we proclaim, ‘I surrender’. Exhausted from trying so hard to find the answers that lead a person to that inner peace.

Our quest for Love never stops; some find it in people and others, in things. For whatever reason we fail to turn to the one who is capable of removing what was placed before us and that is ‘the Most High and Most Merciful’.

As my journey of self-love continues and my lessons of love evolve, my greatest lesson of all finally arrived. I learnt that loving is truly a skill that must be mastered in order to achieve that peace and tranquillity in life.

I begin by investing everything I have to the one who gave it, Allah (SWT). In Arabic its called ‘Tawakkul’, total reliance and dependence on Allah. In doing so, I no longer have to rely on myself alone to make the right decisions, but rather give it all to Allah (SWT) and ask for guidance in this realm we call the dunya (material world).

A very heavy load has been shifted and I give praise and thanks to Allah for everything. As I now see, ‘my pain had a purpose’. To be continued…

Let go, and if it remains it is yours

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Let go, and if it remains it is yours

Whilst jogging in the park this morning I had one of those epiphanies. I realised that ‘Letting go’ did not mean that you would lose what it is you want to keep hold of. Rather you’ll discover if it has a part in your destiny.

Now this could apply to anything really, but for me I realised it was about people. You see there are some people we hold on to because we love them. And this attachment can sometimes do more harm than good for us because of the emotional baggage that comes with it.

So on my journey of self-discovery I realised there were a lot of people I needed to ‘Let go of’. And out of this I’ve learnt 2 lessons.
1) Letting go gives you an opportunity to love unconditionally. Because sometimes loving someone means letting them go. If they remain, then you know it’s because they choose to which is truly a blessing to acknowledge and embrace when this happens.
2) There are some people we hold on to because we feel we have to! And it is only until we unload these types of people that we discover an ugly truth. That they couldn’t care less if you were holding them or not, but in the presence of your company all they do is suck you dry every ounce of love you could give. This is while you continued giving hoping that your commitment would aid them to change.

Letting go is about standing back and observing who you have around you. I believe we are all just souls on a journey, and loving is not about placing conditions on someone else. Rather it is about being ready to understand who they are, and giving them enough space to grow and not be suffocated by your beliefs of who they should be all in the name of Love!

Loving you is Loving me!

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Loving you is Loving me!

Now previously in love, I thought the notion of loving someone more than you did yourself was so romantic. Years later I now think it is like sitting on a train track.

Bruno Mars wrote a song about it, ‘I would catch a grenade for you’, and people loved it, but why? Truth is that when you catch a glimpse of this type of love, we will often sit back in admiration at the couple that dwells in it. But behind the scenes someone is usually a silent casualty.

I know because I’ve been there, and loving someone so much that you are disabled from loving yourself can be a scary experience when the time comes for you to set yourself free.

People wish to leave a relationship for many reasons, but quite often when their devotion of love is unappreciated or not returned, one begins to feels the consequences of this type of love.

Therefore I say loving should be an art, and if you are in a situation where you love your spouse more than you love yourself, then you need to step back and see the bigger picture. Because all to often when we are free to do this, we realize we’ve created a moment in time that never truly belonged to us, because we gave it all to someone who never valued our love in the first place.

So invest your love in the best place possible you and your Lord.